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fishyhelper glad things are improving. Remember the advice you got here for bumps in the road. Peeps round here are nicest aren't they.

Clowny...hugs to you and LHgit too. Sounds rough guys.

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~~~ My fish blow kisses at me all day long ~~~

Good for you! That fishroom & friend to help lug buckets is inching closer and closer!

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~~~ My fish blow kisses at me all day long ~~~

That was cute, and you are too funny !

I'm cyber dating one faraway lady who I think is very special And yup, hear you on the time difference thing, it's a total bee-yatch.

The Amazon Nut...

Hey me toooo!
Oh, you mean baby FISH.
My mistake.
That was close I was gonna ask you on a cyber date!
That time diff is a killer though.





Last edited by wish-ga at 11-Dec-2005 23:59

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~~~ My fish blow kisses at me all day long ~~~

That is very sweet of you to say Wish-Ga, and thank you for the well wishes.. I'm very touched by your kindness.

Yes, I'm hoping for my little piece of happiness too.
I don't ask for much, just a 'significant other', and errr ummm, a fishroom ?

Oh yeah, and LOTS of BABIES !!!
Baby angelfish, baby discus, baby apistos...........

Take care,
DaFish

The Amazon Nut...

scrawny scared kid having to step in to save your mom from getting hit............ I found martial arts a huge help in giving me something constructive to do and letting some of that stress out.

dafishman.... you are a legend. Hats off to you. What a great spirit you have. Thank you for sharing. Hope you build a wonderful homelife for you and those you share it with in the future. [img src='/images/forums/halo.gif' border=0]

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~~~ My fish blow kisses at me all day long ~~~

Fishyhelper,

I'm glad you are feeling better. I had to deal with major problems with my step dad and mom fighting when I was a kid, which lasted into my mid teens. Domestic violence is no party.. Especially if you're a scrawny scared kid having to step in to save your mom from getting hit, knowing I'd get beat instead and possibly get knocked out, that almost happened on more then a few occasions.

Things that helped me to deal with this were my friends, going for walks, riding my bmx or skateboard, walks in the forest and reading. Dreaming of how life would be better if I was anywhere but where I was. Later on, I found martial arts a huge help in giving me something constructive to do and letting some of that stress out.

Be strong kiddo, and realize it's not your fault they're fighting.. Don't take it to heart. Distance yourself by getting busy with other things when you can.. And don't get involved with the arguments if you don't have to.

Also realize, there are kids out there facing problems that makes yours seem almost rosy in comparison. Someone always has it worse unfortunately. Toughen up and be stronger. As a kid I would have given my left arm to be in your shoes.

Best of luck, I hope it works out with your parents and you as well. We're here when you need.

Regards,
DaFish




Last edited by DaFishMan at 10-Dec-2005 16:08

The Amazon Nut...

@ Longhairedgit. I am happily married and live half an hour's drive away from Mum and she doesnt usually like coming over to see me. She does call me 5 times a day though. I wish she would see a doctor to help her with the hypertension because its killing my sister.

*Hugs Longhairedgit and Wish-ga*

Aww thats sweet, but fear not for me, If momma ever got too pushy now , im altogether smarter, bigger and tougher than her (she is a biiiig woman lol) and anyone who would protect her, so she kinda knows shes skating on thin ice, consequently she tends to moderate her behaviour a bit around me now.In fact it appears that Im the only man in her life she cant beat (poor fools!). Granted it is a bit odd to have to step up intimidation with your own mom, but then she knows no limits, ive disarmed her from knives and large pans before now. If you think that sounds bad you should have seen her during the menopause. My dad was an ex naval commander, and even he had trouble with her!

And for depression, well thats life,I tend to worry more if I find an insanely happy person.Thats gotta be really ill!

well, apparently i said some htings to my mother than she is now blaming my dad, well, dow she isnt talking to either of us, and i am so scaird they are going to devorse again, i was so upset i cryed for an hour, and was throwing up and 4 in the morning, i cant think of snyhting to do

i just feel so alone in the is world, last night i was seriously thinking obout killing my self, but i felt god telling me no, although he realy didet tell me it was gunna be alright, i just need some help

Last edited by fishyhelper288 at 06-Dec-2005 19:34

lol she orders it a while ago, and it just happened to come in that day, and is a digi camcorder w/ still pics too, its kinda cool, the best fish pic taker ever! it has an instant shudder speed, so even the zebra danios get a clear pic now to get a chip to keep the pics although im gunna try and put some pics on tonight, but im not sure it will work, suppose i will have to see

oh and technicly its not mine..family present...but i get to play with it ..my mom get her and my dad a mini digi keychane thinger, but im getting another digi i htink for x-mas this christmas is gunna be wierd! but if 1 camera craps out for one reason or another, i have a few others to fall back on

You get a new camera when your parents feel bad about squabbling

Man, am I jealous of you

On a more serious note, I am happy that things worked out between you and your Mum [img src='/images/forums/halo.gif' border=0]

Just goes to show that even parents are human, they make mistakes as well as we do. The smarter ones know when theres no more point in arguing, and that enables people to get on with their lives.

Well ok, my mom aint human , but yours probably is. lol

One should always have something glib to say in times of horror.

Last edited by longhairedgit at 07-Dec-2005 04:12

well i will tell you what happened today...

i went to school with still not talking to my mother, and all throught the day i tripped tears, when i got to english my teacher noticed, and i requested to stay after school.....

i did up a late assignment and after the other students had left she asked me if everyhting was alright at home, and i couldent say yes, so she told me that if i needed to talk i could come to her, and she was gunna inform the principal just in case i wanted a quite place to sit, i said ok, and then i went home.

i got home and i tiptoed into my room, shutting the door quietly, i fed my fish and checked my new fry, than i was going to feed my other fish when she came in, and started asking questions.....long story short it ended with us hugging and crying, oh..then i got my new camera

and i realy wasnt planning on killing my self, although i was just thinking that maybe it would be best sence i thought i had just screwed up everybodys lives, so after a bit of thought i decided that if worst came to worst i would move to my grandparents, and that i just thought i had too many little lives depending on me, and knowing that i was needed by atleast some body was eanough to shoo the thought away, when i wrote the post i was tearing up and in my study hall at school, and i was dreading going home, but now i feel so much better, i feel like the foot that was standing on me finaly got up.

but i do believe that today was the firts time i cried because i was just so happy that she forgave me and that my parents were ok again too. i also think that the only other time i ever cryed that hard was when my parents got devorsed a few years back, (although im still questioning why they dident invite us to the wedding for the second run) but right now i realy dont care

i dont know what to say, but an idea is too, forget about it, and just go to a friends house for a few days and let the atomosphere in the house cool out for abit.

I found myself in a few situations like that. I had depression for 2 years diagnosed and possibly for a great many years before that. I totally sympathise too, my mother was and remains, an egotistical, man hating bigot, with a streak of vanity wider than the suiz canal, and if I prove to be too strong for her in arguement or authority she will without hesitation turn on my stepfather who is basically a nice guy.It doesnt matter how strongly you feel,or how much you want to avoid confrontations sometimes other people are unable to empathise, and when you come up against one, its better to give things a bit of distance. I was lucky in a way, because oddly enough my parents were divorced, and my dad a nice guy. So even at a young age I could get away to a calmer place to just chill out and have fun.

I mean ok it depends what you did, but im betting, that your mom had a disproportionate reaction, and that just makes everyone miserable.More than one person is to blame here.Divorse is never the fault of the children, its because people are incompatible or just plain stupid or aggressive. I think you will find that its they who are neglecting their duties to you rather than the other way round. Divorce isnt something to be feared because of its own sake. Chances are that youll still be able to see both parents if you so wish, and my life actually was better in a way after my parents divorced. It wont be your fault whatever happens.It hasnt happened yet anyway, it might never.

The only guidance I can really offer, is that quite simply some people have to be made proportionately less important in your life. The will of ones mother is never worth beating yourself up over, and sure upsetting people you love can be painful, but if you need distance , take some by all means. Personally just getting outdoors and remind yourself that there is actually a sky.

There is a hill near my childhood home and sometimes I would go up there just to look back at my house and remind myself of what an incredibly small place it was , how much of my experienced was focused in that place, and just how much bigger the world was outside of it. Doesnt take long to realise all you have to do is go out and experience other stuff and make family a smaller part of your life. When dealing with people in a family who may be controlling or actually use the confines of a house to dominate the only thing you can do is fight or leave when all reason has failed.The fight isnt always worth the result. I generally find I get on fine with my mom when I dont visit her more often than about every 6 months or so .


A lot of people both outgrow and surpass their parents, and sometimes distance helps, often it leaves you more free to find new friends ( not to mention lovers ) and perhaps widen the scope of your life to a point where the opinion of your family matters considerably less. I dont know how old you are, but trust me , people in their 40's and 50's still get these issues with their parents from time to time. When you are a child parents are god. When youre older than that and you are more than that, they become less important. Some people get on with their folks, and I kinda envy them, but removing yourself from a claustraphibic situation helps no end.. Come up and breathe.The world is a huge place.

If you are really suicidal nothing I say will probably help, but if you need to chat to people pickup the phone and call the samaritans or similar. Sometimes just getting it all out with a neutral party can be really helpfulespecially when you feel like no-one is listening. Im sure theyd rather have a chat with you over the phone than talk you off a roof, its what theyre there for. If you feel that alone and depressed for more than a short while, go see a doc, he/she might be able to help.

Theres one thing ive learned and thats if you dont take it seriously , no-one else will. So if you really feel that low, go to those who will sympathise and will help, dont just keep it in the family.

DONT kill yourself just yet.Theres lots worth seeing in this world, and lots of people who can help show you.Anything and anyone external to you will only ever matter so much. Your life is yours, and its about experiences. Dont waste it until youve had a chance to explore the potential of life.That little thing that could turn your life around could be only a short while, or a turn of the corner away. When you find it, all the suffering will seem so very small in comparison.

Stay well, and take care.

Dom.



Last edited by longhairedgit at 06-Dec-2005 11:47

Last edited by longhairedgit at 06-Dec-2005 11:48

My Mum still blames me because my Dad walked out on us, and it feels bad, and I've been there

This too shall pass, and always remember, even if today it doesnt feel like you will ever stop hurting, one day, you will, and you will be much much stronger.

GFG is right when she says that a relationship between two people is a complex thing. Sometimes, our parents can be selfish, eventho, we wld always want to believe that everything they do, is because they love us, that is not always true. They are human, and they will make mistakes, and sometimes try to pass their guilt onto somebody else, not because they want to hurt that other person, but because they dont know how else they can feel better.

Go for a walk when you feel upset and try and take up something that keeps you out of the way of your parents. That seemed to have worked for me. I know you cannot stay out of the way forever, but some breathing space will do you good.

Clowny.

Ok Hon you arent alone, one argument doesn't equal divorce, and it is not your fault, a relationship is between two people, no one really knows how it works unless they are in it. Everyone watching for the outside may think many things but its up to the people invovled.

you must focus on doing some thing practical and try to take you mind off stuff. feed the fish, do a water change, tidy your room, and then eat some thing you like and let your self sleep.

If you feel able try to talk to your Dad, or Mum, but I would really see a friend(you don't have to tell them anything) get away from the house for a bit? walk the dog and remember you have a long life ahead of you you won't always be here feeling like this. Everything changes.

Let me know you are doing ok

GFG

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey S. Firestone