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I've said a lot in posts in the past, aimed at helping newcomers achieve that happy state of Nirvana in which the aquarium is a scintillating jewelled window onto the aquatic world. And, I thought I'd return to this theme after my Roman orgy of Christmas overfeeding (of myself, not the fish, I hasten to add!). And so, here's my post-Christmas guide to the happy aquarium, with the added note that fish are for life, not just for Christmas!

One. Learn, Learn, Learn. You can never do enough of this. And while the textbooks are largely right, having been written in the main by people who have been there, done that, read the book, seen the film, heard the soundtrack and worn the T-shirt before sperm met egg to create you, the reader of this post, even the most voluminous outputter of fish textbooks would probably agree that nothing beats experience in the long run. Read the textbooks assiduously, because if they're well written, they teach you about such concepts as the nitrogen cycle, an understanding of which is crucial to a well-maintained aquarium. But be prepared to note where the actual behaviour of your aquarium inmates departs from the textbook norms, which it will do sometimes because [1] fish don't read textbooks, and therefore don't know that they're supposed to behave according to those norms, and [2] fish are every bit as individual as human beings, including the shoaling fishes like Cardinal Tetras. Use the textbooks to acquire information that is universally true to type for a given species, such as pH and temperature requirements, shoaling behaviour or territoriality, and use this as a starting point. Be prepared for your aquarium inmates to exhibit individuality now and again, and expect the unexpected. That way, you won't be caught on the hop when it happens.

Two. Watch Your Fish. And by this I don't mean just glance at the aquarium now and again when you walk past it. Sit in front of the aquarium, spend time watching your fish, and watch their behaviour. If necessary, take notes, take photographs, shoot video footage, and treat your aquarium as a little world to explore, with you as Jacques Cousteau doing the exploring. As a result of doing precisely this, I alighted upon the fact that quite a few shoaling Characins actually exhibit part time territoriality, a phenomenon most glaringly obvious in species such as Silver Tips and Beckford's Pencil Fish (both of which I've kept), but which turns up in Lemon Tetras too, complete with macho posturing by the males and jousting behaviour which I've described at length in other posts on this Board. Likewise, I discovered, by watching my fish closely, that Otocinclus (which I've now had for over ten years) are not exclusively algal feeders, but instead are better described as primarily herbivorous aufwuchs grazers. They will eat live food now and again if they feel like it! This is an example of Point One above, namely that the textbooks are largely right, but don't always cover all the bases. You won't find a textbook out at the moment that mentions Otocinclus enjoying Tubifex or live bloodworm, but I've seen it happen. And, when I finally get the film developed, I have a shot of an Otocinclus eating a live bloodworm that might hopefully end up in someone's textbook in the future to tell everyone this. If I hadn't been reading up on Mbunas and encountered the term aufwuchs in this connection, though, I wouldn't have been able to tell you all about this facet of Otocinclus behaviour. Detail, detail, detail ... even if you think at first that something you've seen is insignificant, make a note of it just in case. Chances are, a few months later, that 'insignificant' observation could be your key to cracking a breeding secret for the fish of your choice. Biologists didn't learn as much as they have done by skimping on detail. I'm sure Shini will agree with me on this, especially as he is a biologist, and a veterinarian to boot.

Three. Do The Chores! One thing I've learned is this. Do the chores, and fish will, in the main, show gratitude in abundance. Perform the water changes, break out the gravel vac regularly, and your fish will not only spend more time in nice, clean, healthy water with fewer pollutants stressing their osmoregulatory systems, but they'll thank you for it. Mostly by appearing before you with bright, vibrant, sparkling colours, but in quite a few cases, they'll also reward you with the patter of tiny fins. My Panda Corys do this regularly, and what's more, do this in a community aquarium. I've got a nice log file on my hard drive detailing all the occasions that they've spawned, and now it runs from May 5th, 2003 to Christmas Eve, 2004. A grand total of fifty-nine spawnings in that period. Pandas are somewhat fussy about their living conditions, as I've described at length in other posts on this Board, so the fact that they've spawned 59 times in a little over 18 months means that I'm doing something right. What's more, when I do a water change and gravel vac, the Pandas beetle about the gravel with gay abandon, as if they know I'm doing it for them. Once the mayhem of decor rearrangement is over, and the other fish settle down, they too start frolicking like mad in their new, clean water. The Lemon Tetras sometimes get frisky enough to spawn after a water change. Fish know what they like, and a clean aquarium, with just enough detritus left behind to feed the plants, and a nicely loosened gravel bed that makes the undergravel filter perform more efficiently, is what they like. In the case of my Pandas, they also like it when I leave undulations in the gravel bed for them to play in, and they start behaving like three year old children in a mud pit. As if to prove the point, five of my Pandas and two of my Otocinclus are happily exploring nooks and crannies as I type this - one advantage of having the aquarium within viewing range of my PC is that I can add observations of this kind ad lib as and when they happen! Oh, and one of the Pandas is now face down in a mass of Java Moss looking for titbits, and my male Pencil Fish are gearing up for another of their 'push wrestling' jousting sessions. There they go ... those two will be at it now for a good half hour at least. So, do the chores, and the fish will reward your industry and labour with hours of entertainment of the happy kind. Indeed, in my experience, fish will exhibit far more gratitiude for your efforts than many people will.

Four. If You Can, Get Live Food. Now this isn't always possible, but when it is, get live food for your fish. Why? Apart from being the closest thing to the kind of fare they would eat in the wild, organisms such as Daphnia and bloodworm are health foods par excellence for your fish. On the rare occasions I've had to treat diseases (and following the above steps has meant that those occasions have been rare) I've noticed something that should be pinned up for everyone to read in the Hospital forum. Fish that are fed live food during medication periods have a shorter convalescence period, and recover more quickly. I once had to deal with a fin rot outbreak among my Cardinals, and alongside the administration of medication, I dropped in lots of Daphnia. Usually, fin rot takes about a fortnight to clear up completely, but if you carpet bomb your patients with live food, you can halve the recovery time. That's right. Halve the recovery time. The usual scenario vis-a-vis fin rot is that it takes at least a week for the fins to grow back after the meds have killed the unwanted pathogenic bacteria. Feed live food, though, and they grow back in half the time. A fish's immune system seems to thrive on live food, so if you can get it, you'll not only aid their recovery when they're sick, but bolster their immune systems so that the nasties don't get a second chance of attack. This doesn't mean you can skimp on the necessary clearing up after a disease outbreak, but alongside the usual measures, live food has a dramatic effect upon recovery times. And, if you've been wise and generous with the TLC, live food conditions fish for breeding like you wouldn't believe. Drop in Daphnia every day for a week with Lemon Tetras, for example, and watch them come alive with the joys of Spring regardless of the time of year.

Five. Know Your Limits. If you're starting out as a fishkeeper, choose your first fish wisely. Go for species that forgive mistakes and have a well-deserved reputation for toughness, especially in a new aquarium. Species such as White Clouds and Black Widow Tetras are, in the main, bomb proof, and if you kill them off, you're doing something seriously wrong. And, chances are you'll learn enough with fish such as these to move on to something a little more challenging in a few months or so. But don't, please don't, whatever you do, try starting out with Discus or Chocolate Gouramis. Chocolate Gouramis cause headaches even for expert fishkeepers, and as for Discus, well Discus keeping is a sort of religion that you become initiated into after about 10 years' experience with something less demanding. Discus are the kind of fish that even the experts are still learning new things about, and it's an indication of how specialised Discus keeping is, that it not only has its own dedicated forum here on the Board, but is a whole world of its own within the fishkeeping hobby, complete with strange rites, Masonic handshakes, cryptic recipes for conditioning foods, trace element management and all kinds of other bizarre wonders that you, the beginner, should leave alone until you've cut your teeth on hardier species. And that last sentence was only partly a joke - I threw in the Masonic handshakes bit to keep you smiling, and therefore, interested. Oh, and avoid ridiculously huge fishes of any kind, even if they're hardy, otherwise you will not only attract huge bills for the maintenance of said huge fishes, but a fair amount of finger wagging from some of the Board's old hands (see Seven below). We've yet to see anyone asking in all seriousness what's needed to keep a Whale Shark in an aquarium (and there's no way on earth you'll ever even see an aquarium big enough to house a fish the size of a small warship - I'm not kidding, even juveniles need a 40 foot jib crane to lift them), but one or two smiles have been elicited by the regular appearance of the dreaded 'how do I keep a Pacu' post. Again, see Seven below for an insight into some of the running jokes that help keep this Board going.

Six. Share And Share Alike. The assorted collection of people who contribute to this Board do so not only because they love fish, and want to see aquaria all over the world sparkling and alive with happy inmates, but because they have the kind of compassionate streak that makes them want to share their joys with others. One or two could even be described as being 'evangelical' in this regard. So, when you alight upon something new, come here and tell us all about it. And that doesn't just mean during your neophyte days, when every last fin movement of your Peppered Corys is something you want to sing about. Keep doing this when you've been initiated into the strange religion of Discus keeping, and you've found a way of making breeding them easier. Likewise, if you end up being the first person on the planet to repeatedly breed the Clown Loach in a home aquarium setup (and it'll probably be a large one, given that these things can reach 18 inches in the wild and find their way into marketplaces as lunch for the locals in Borneo), tell us how you did it. Apart from anything else, you'll have the fun of seeing Garyroland's eyes pop out on stalks.

Seven. Note Who's Keeping What. And, while you're doing that, note who's the resident expert on a particular species or group of fishes. Want to know something about Bichirs? Toirtis is your man, not least because he researches them professionally, and now has at least one book out on them in print. L-number Plecs? Shini's got a couple of nice ones, and he's not the only one. Unusual Corys? Step forward Cory_Addict and Cory_Di, and to a lesser extent since I acquired the Pandas, yours truly. Oddballs in general? Flip a coin and choose between Shini and Toirtis, both of whom will enjoy some fun at your expense if you ask about keeping Pacus (this is one of the long running jokes here on this Board, by the way - Pacus, Red Tailed Catfish and other monster tankbusters attract a disproportionate amount of correspondence from people who suddenly wonder what's hit them when they get the replies ). This isn't to say, of course, that no-one here keeps silly fish, it's just that those who do, and come here and admit it, can get away with it because they know what they're doing, and know what kind of financial millstone around the neck they've chosen to acquire. Yes, it IS possible to keep enormous Pimelodid catfishes in an aquarium, and there are people here who do just that, but their indenture as beginners happened way back in the prehistory of fishkeeping, and now they occupy that portion of Valhalla reserved for the aquarium gods. These are people that even the likes of Herbert Axelrod doffs his cap to. Speak of them in hushed tones, bow gracefully in their presence, accept their sagely dispensations with due gratitude, and all will be well.

Eight. Enjoy It.. Fishkeeping is something to be enjoyed. The assorted frolics and gambolling of your chosen fish should be a source of delight to you. You should feel a warm glow inside when you get it right, and be filled with the urge to come here, grab hold of anyone who will listen, point your finger and pant gleefully "Look what I did!". Because that's the sort of thing we all felt the urge to do as beginners when we got it right. It's only right that you should be allowed your 15 minutes of fame, and your spell of basking in glory when you announce to the world that you've helped nurse a batch of 60 baby Tiger Barbs into the world, for example. Yes, it gives you a big thrill when it all falls into place, and you have a nice batch of piscine Rugrats to show off to the world, because let's face it, it's an achievement. When you come here and do this, you'll have worked hard for it. You'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you did something that takes a good deal more effort than pushing buttons on a channel zapper. You'll be able to hold your head up high, give yourself a pat on the back, and for a while, marvel at how far you've come. It's at this point that you'll be ready to become that much-lampooned creature, the Multiple Tank Syndrome patient. Much lampooned said person may be, but this Board is full of them. All of whom are quite happy to stand up, admit it, and accept the custard pies winging through the air at them. Indeed, much of the fun poking thereof is, you will discover, self-inflicted. Good humour is an essential part of fishkeeping, not least because it helps you through the bad days when, for example, you lose that male Venezuelan Ram you bought five years ago and who was such a sterling breeder while in your care. It allows you to reflect that while your loss is lamented, that Venezuelan Ram had a happy life in your 4ft aquarium, despite sharing its home with a garish plastic ornament that you bought in the days before you had taste. The same garish plastic ornament that your Rams decided would make a good nursery, thus giving you an excuse for having no taste when you bought it, and a large reservoir of happy memories about bringing clutches of baby Rams into the world. It was a sad day for me when I lost my 'Methuselah' Otocinclus in March 2004, but I could content myself with the fact that the little fellow had lived over nine years in my aquarium, being one of the very first inmates when the community aquarium was first fired up in December 1994, and that nine years is a good lifespan for an Otocinclus - proof again that I was doing something right. I've just taken a look back at the post that I wrote on the occasion, and it was quite poignant. You too will experience such moments, so be prepared to share in the laughter too. Fish can teach you things you don't expect them to ...


Panda Catfish fan and keeper/breeder since Christmas 2002

As wonderful and fun as all your posts are Calilasseia

Apart from anything else, you'll have the fun of seeing Garyroland's eyes pop out on stalks.

indeed !

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Current [link=Contest Rules]http://www.fishprofiles.com/files/forums/Aquascaping/44382.html?200412022138" style="COLOR: #EB4288[/link][/font]

GREAT article, as always. A very interesting read Cali.

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They shade the glow of it with their mossy-misty costumes,
They wear masks of silk, porcelain, brass, and silver,
So as not to mislead with their own, ordinary faces.

Do we want this pinned up top for a month?

I think our articles section is crying out for something like this to be dragged out and front-paged at this time of the year.

Let me see if i can bend some ears

I LOVE the eyes on stalks image

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. - Terry Pratchett

Definitely pin this one up. Great article!

I'm glad this is still pinned up, even though the remembrances of gary still hurt, since he is no longer with us...and I really miss him, especially since I've gotten this new tank and have put some clown loaches in it...I wish he could still be with us, other than in hearts as well as our thoughts...heidi

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Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts, Remember when
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"I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom." Thomas Carlyle