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You have a friend called Doughnut?

This conversation is particularly disturbing, and reminds me of a time when women were always blamed for cases involving rape, abuse, and stalking (ever heard of the thread/needle illustration police used to use in rape cases in the 70s?) I mean, really, how can someone leading somebody else on incite death threats and physical violence? Bettadragon, it is not your fault. You did not cause him to do these things.

Your job is not to sit tight until he stops or does something to you that leaves you or your property damaged once again! Get the restraining order! Go ask questions of your local women's shelter! Learn how to protect yourself-- take a self-defense class, carry your keys sticking out from between your closed fist, and always park in a lighted area.

This is what our mothers fought against-- the attitude represented above. It is something we continue to fight against, so do something to help yourself! Believe me, the stress becomes more bearable when you're working to make your life better.

I wish you all the best, bettadragon, and remember-- we are as strong as we need to be. No matter what, and no matter how hard it seems, you can handle this-- and you will.

Last edited by EmDehl at 17-Oct-2004 20:35

Usually, in the case of druggies, they either take a deadly overdose, get shot by police, find someone else to harass, or, after a period of time, move away and are forgotten.

It's your job to hang tough until the curse is lifted, which will happen.

--garyroland.

[font color="#C00000"] No worries Gary. It just irks me that you initially thought I had to have done something - led him on as you say - to be in this situation.

I have a temp restraining order, he can't call, and can't come within 500 feet of me. Of course, if he really wants to, the piece of paper I hold isn't going to stop him. And he could call from a payphone and we wouldn't know it was him. There are so many ways that this paper is almost just a waste.

It doesn't make me feel any safer. My parents have a security escort for me at school (it's a free service through my college), and unless I'm at work, I am never alone. But it all comes down to, if he really wants to hurt me, and say he has a gun, how could my security escort help? And my friends, none of them have guns or anything, the most they could do to help was beat the crap out of him. But he's not that stupid. He wouldn't get that close. He knows that if he didn't have any weapons on him, that I could beat him up myself...

At work, they all remembered who this guy was, and when he would show up, and just stare at me in the window, they would take me to the back of the restaurant, and they'd call the cops. But by the time the cops got there, he'd be gone.

I'm going to have a mental breakdown soon, because I'm so stressed. So after midterms, my boyfriend, friends, and parent are taking me on a weeks vacation. Wish me luck!


~*MO*~[/font]

Last edited by BettaDragon at 17-Oct-2004 13:20

I was afraid you'd think that, Monica...

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I never support idiots that bother women.

I thought maybe you may have led him on but your explanation shows you did not.

I'd back you entirely if you asked me to.

Sorry I gave you the wrong impression.

--garyroland.

--Vero Beach, Florida.

Stalking statutes for the state of New Mexico available from:

http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_NewMexico115

My first thought was an ASBO, but you're living in the US, so that's out. In fact, all my legal thoughts are out, because in the UK, it is much easier to get a restraining order or ASBO against someone.

But I do think you need to get in touch with Student Support (or equiv.) and find out if you can fund your course any way other than working so many hours. You will struggle more and more as this continues, and no college course or promotion is any good if it's made you blow your brains out over it. Again, I dont know how it is in the US, but in the UK I can think of several benefits you'd be entitled to, and I'm sure similar benefits exist in the US.

-------------------------------------------------
I like to think that whoever designed marine life was thinking of it as basically an entertainment medium. That would explain some of the things down there, some of the unearthly biological contraptions

[font color="#C00000"] Gary, sometimes I almost feel like you don't like me very much.

Let me see if I can explain "hanging out":

After work we went to Denny's for coffee and talked a few times. Then once I convinced him to go to a movie with me (he hates movies). One time we went to burger king for lunch, and two times we went to the mall.

Does that help you any? I really don't know how else to clarify what is going on. I think that you think about things way too much....

Yes, I have a friend named Doughnut. None of her friends know her real name, because her parents started calling her Doughnut when she was little. Even her teachers call her that. *shrugs* I guess when she was little, doughnuts would dissappear, and then they'd find her in some corner covered in doughnut powder. Therefore, she is now, Doughnut

I have no doubt in my mind that he was looking for attention. There were a few times, near the end of our friendship (I believe when he started the drugs), that lied about things, and I know it was for attention.

I'm in New Mexico. I'm thinking that one reason I never get help with the local law is that I testified against a local sherriff in a statutory rape case. Since then, they haven't really been too friendly....


Any thoughts?


~*MO*~[/font]

What state are you in? I don't know of any states that require testimony before they grant a temp protection order. For a full order they have to have a hearing, but anyone can go in and file for a temp.



Last edited by RSCutiePie96 at 13-Oct-2004 22:32

Perhaps he felt he could reach out to her?

On some level this is his way of getting attention?



For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. - Terry Pratchett

[font color="#C00000"]It really hasn't been my month.....

A crazy psycho bashed in the window of my bronco, and is now claiming he's going to blow me and my car up. He is doing this, and did that, because I don't want to be his friend anymore (due to the drugs he was on-I'd rather have clean friends). The cops say they can't do anything, because "there is no pysical evidence" that he was the one who did it. And everything he says he is going to do to me, is only "heresay". So I have to wait around until he does something else, and hope there are witnesses and/or "pysical evidence". It's quite exciting.

I'm working 5 days a week and going to school 3. Both full time. I'm moving out of my parents house to get rid of stress that I get from there....Midterms are coming up, and I'm really stressed out from school. My work wants to train me in yet another position which means more responibility, but I do get another raise for it, which means I'll have more money for food at my new place.

AnnaBelle, this lady that my family has taken care of for years upon years, past away last Thursday. She wasn't blood relations, but she was family, and I felt as if I lost my grandmother all over again. Her family couldn't even call us to tell us it happened. We found out by trying to take a blanket to her, and her name was no longer on the door (she was recently hospitalized). She was 81 years old....I just hope she's in a better place now.

When I found this out, my friend Doughnut tried to cheer me up by taking me to her house so I could check out her fish. But that was just even more upseting! Her mom had a 30 gal tank, with an albino Oscar, a tiger oscar, a Pleco, a mollie, three goldfish, two blood parrots, a Jack Dempsy (I think, I haven't found anything else that looks like what she had), and a bronze catfish. The blood parrots were grey! GREY! the poor mollie almost didn't have any fins left from being nipped at, and the Jack Dempsy or whatever it was was gasping at the bottom of the tank on the side. The only fish that looked ok was the catfish.... I tried to tell the mom how wrong it all was, but she just said, "oh they're fine! The blood parrots have been that color for a long time now! and the pleco won't get that big! *insert laugh*"

I thought I was going to be sick.

I'm severely stressed, worried, sad, and upset. I don't know what to do. I haven't slept more than 2 hours in over two weeks. I'm so lost!


~*MO*~[/font]

Well...unless I miss my guess, there has to be a reason why you're the target...

Could it be the "hung out a few times"??

I often wonder what exactly transpires when "hanging out" is mentioned.

It's not that I don't believe the guy has mucho problems, it's just a scenario that is hard to swallow.

If you can convince me why you're the target of a mad man, I may be able to sleep better tonight.

So far, I don't get it.

--garyroland.

[font color="#C00000"]No you aren't missing anything. He's not infatuated with me. You should hear what he's doing to the girl(not me) he used to like. We were friends, I met him at work, and we hung out a few times. Then he started doing acid, then crack...He was paranoid and started accusing me of things that I never said or did. So I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him, if he wasn't sober.

He didn't get the hint at first. But after I refused to answer his calls, he finally left me alone. Then he was hospitalized for trying to kill himself. When he got out, he called my friend and said, "I'm on my way to Golden Corral. I have a date with Monica's windshield." He busted out the window. I call cops....you know the rest.

THere is NOT more to the story. This guy has problems. *shrugs*

~*MO*~[/font]

There's always a reason why a guy is infatuated with a girl...

Are we missing something here??

--garyroland.

--Vero Beach, Florida.

[font color="#C00000"]Thanks for your support everyone...

My parents are working on getting a restraining order. The judge that I talked to said I needed the testimony of at least three people that he was stalking me, and I got the phone company to run a search on all calls from him *for "physical proof"*, but its going to cost a bit for it to be filed and set into effect. The only thing that I am worried about is, a restraining order is only a piece of paper, and if he really wants to do something, then that paper isn't going to stop him. All the paper does is get him arrested after he tries something. But he's tried killing himself before, and I have no doubt in my mind that he could sacrifice himself only to hurt someone else. He's so messed up in the head, and isn't rational even when he's sober.....so I just pray that nothing happens.

I don't want to think the worst of the situation, but at the same time, I wouldn't put anything past this guy, and I don't want to be caught off guard.


~*MO*~[/font]

They are wrong when they say that whatever he tells you is heresay. Heresay would be if someone else told you that he's going to do something to you. I agree with Blondie, go over the heads of the local police. I had a stalker last summer that the police didn't want to do anything about, and you should've seen how quickly they changed their tunes once we called our city administrator. You also don't need the police to file for an ex-parte order. All you have to do is go into the court clerk's office and file. I think you may have to pay to have the papers served on him, but it'd be worth spending $50 to keep him away from you. Good luck and don't stop until you get something done.

The more I read of your post the madder I got! Then I read down and saw you are a girl and man, this little momma saw red! I haven't been here for awhile and don't know alot of the new people. This guy is nuts and the cops should be doing something! If they don't, go over thier head! It's your life we are talking about here! Do you vote? Call your state representative etc. It's an election year and they want to help the people for a change... Sorry you are going though all this. Will be thinking of you.

Are there no stalking laws in your state? Check that out and/or call a womens' crisis centre to get some help. These people know the laws and how to deal with police and other agencies who can help you.

___________________________________________

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.

Dragon, surely you can get an AVO or something similar if this guy is threatening you?

up to you if you take the higher-up job, i think now might not be the best time, but its up to you.

and well, we all have bad fish friends. you just decide if the friends are more important than the fish (which they mostly are) and work from there.

I'm in a cruddy place too, but I feel for you hun. we are all here if you need to vent or cry or smile again

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. - Terry Pratchett

[font color="#000080"]Sounds like you have'nt had the best of luck lately. Cheer up Im sure things will get better for you.[/font]