FishProfiles.com Message Forums

jw why the heck are you telling us anyway!

Not really muchh good that can come out of this. I'm glad you got to get that off your chest; it sometimes helps to say things out when frustrated. But for the sake of peace around here, we can't really debate your mother because we don't know her.

I hope everything works out for you.

Koi

Empty chairs at empty tables, the room silent, forlorn.

... and thats all i have to say!

~!!I lOve LiFe!!~

Zebra..

I'd say we all understand alot more than you give us credit for. We understand that by playing along with Dojo, Bryant and you that we are doing him no favors trying to get him to work things out with his Mom or at the very least come to terms with her.

It's one thing to say that someone's Mom doesn't understand and is always complaining, absent minded, may not be a knockout (like that should even be an issue). We have all been frustrated at our parents at one time or another and complained about them. Hell, my Mom took off with a man and left my brother and I when we were young children. Trust me, I had issues with my Mom for a long time. Then when I started to grow up (at the ripe old age of 10) I realized parents aren't meant to be perfect. They make poor decisions from time to time and may not always act as we all think grown-ups should. My Mom eventually paid for her poor choices more than any punishment my brother or I could bestow on her by saying or acting cruel toward her. She eventually had to come to terms with the fact that she did not see her children grow-up. AND... Over the long haul her poor choices ended up helping me. I watched and learned what mistakes she made and I vowed I would never make them with my own children. If Dojo wants, he can do the same thing.

I am hoping that Dojo's comment about what his Mother looks like was just him throwing a mild temper tantrum. THAT we can all understand. It was still a selfish, heartless thing to say but it gives a starting point to letting go of the anger he has. Even if it was just Dojo throwing a fit, it won't win him any sympathy points though. If Dojo truly wants assistance, there is no shortage of people here willing to try and help.

Notice Dojo hasn't returned, Bryant removed his post condoning Dojo's supposed hatred of his Mother figuring out that it wasn't going to be a popular response. You can't imagine that any of us can understand. We were harsh to Dojo.. We weren't harsh, we all attempted to give Dojo a reality check and be truthful and say to Dojo probably the best words of wisdom he has had in a long time. Maybe you should pay attention to what was said as well since you classify your Mom the same as he classified his.


[span class="edited"][Edited by Tammy 2004-07-12 09:12][/span]

"she looks like the inside of a dumpster"

ok maybe u were trying to get him to " back up off" ur mommy, but no need to describe her like that . u need a whoopin'!
what do u think is more insane: 1) ur mom acting the way she does....or.... 2)you asking ppl who never met her if they agree with u based on a towel thing.. ur dad's a grown man , y can't he get his own towel??? (like the neighbors that might see him never saw a nakked dude b4?? puh lease! if u have that big of a problem with her " drama queen"-ness, move out. i'm sure ur dad doesn't mind, if he did he wouldn't have spent the last 24 yrs with the lady.. as for her chatting with the neighbor lady and forgetting the towel , maybe she just has adult ADD?!?!?!

i actually enjoyed this post, it wus surprisingly interesting, and just look at how many replies he got.... how many other "more interesting " posts got this many responses, two pages is no joke! i ask a life or death question about my ick-infested fish tank and i get 5 replies. but here he asks about his mommy and ka-boom!!!! gadzillion replies and counting..

OMG... just let it go...

~!!I lOve LiFe!!~

He needs someone to talk to, so he posts a flame about his mother and then just asks for opinions about his mother. He then plays post-tag with bryant about his mother's looks.

How about if he needed to talk to someone, he could simply ask "I am really frustruated with my mother. Anyone have any suggestions to help me cope?".

But, you're right... I obviously don't understand. I should just say "Dojo, you said bad things about your mother, so she obviously is a terrible horrible person and we should all hate her."

Joe Potato


Edit: I should point out that about a month ago, an FP member did ask for assistance in regards to his relationship with his mother. He asked for help, and he recieved an out-pouring of support from other FP members. Dojo didn't ask for help, opting for the insult technique. What did he expect in return?

[span class="edited"][Edited by Joe Potato 2004-07-11 23:11][/span]

Yeah well it sounds like he just needed someone to talk to... and instead he got A LOT of mean/harsh comments.
Obviously you dont understand...

~!!I lOve LiFe!!~

And yet, your previous response said nothing of "trying to see things from his point of view", it merely spoke of how harsh we were and that we shouldn't hurt his feelings by disagreeing.

"Seeing things from his point of view"? As far as I can tell, his point of view is that his mother is a horrible person. That's basically what his original post says. So, we're all just supposed to be supportive in affirming a very damaging turn in one of the most important relationships in a person's life? Yeah, that's being a friend...

Furthermore, it is quite possible that the original post was subject to the classic teenage parent-angst exaggeration, of which I was afflicted a couple of years ago. I could always make it seem as if my parents were the worst on Earth. Frankly, it is inherent in every teenager's arsenal.

Now, assuming that is it as bad as Dojo says it is, posting the rant here is hardly a way to correct it. He either needs to get some family counseling or distance himself completely from his mother.

Okay, so now I'm looking at it from his point of view. His mother is a terrible person. Now what? What can I possibly do to help besides just play the sycophant to solidify harmful feelings?

We may come across as harsh, but I think that it is better than just nodding our heads and saying "Good job!".

Joe Potato


[span class="edited"][Edited by Joe Potato 2004-07-11 23:00][/span]

... all i am trying to say is that maybe you should try to look at his point of view... or maybe thats just too hard

~!!I lOve LiFe!!~

So instead of bashing him.. why dont you guyes say something nice... thats just harsh!!

Am I the only one who sees the irony?

That's exactly what we were trying to convey zebra, only in regards to Dojo and his mother.

Why are you people so mean to him? Wait... I know I know I know!! You guyes dont know how it feels to live with someone like his mom. I feel for you.. my mom is like your mom and let me tell you, its not fun!

First of all, how do you know that? Just like we have never met Dojo's mother, you haven't met our mothers. For all anyone knows, our mothers could be just as bad or worse...


Joe Potato

Harsh, harsh harsh!!! Why are you people so mean to him? Wait... I know I know I know!! You guyes dont know how it feels to live with someone like his mom. I feel for you.. my mom is like your mom and let me tell you, its not fun! So instead of bashing him.. why dont you guyes say something nice... thats just harsh!! ]

[span class="edited"][Edited by zebra 2004-07-11 21:25][/span]

~!!I lOve LiFe!!~

When I read your post, my heart went out to your mother.

It seems everyone goes through a "I hate my mom stage". But you know what? There must be something even more to it - you say she's been like that ever since your parents got married - but how do you know that?

But, I'm with honeybeze - your father has two feet and a heartbeat - he can get his own towels every now and then - I love my husband, and I'll do stuff for him - but when he gets all macho and pigheaded, I'll tell him to get his own towels.

But guess what? I went through the same thing with my mother. I couldn't stand her - I felt she was making my life a living hell most of the time - and at 21 years of age, I was getting tired of being treated like a child.

I now live on the other side of the world. Me in the USA, she (and the rest of my family) in Australia. Can't get much further away than that. And I miss them. And even being this far from 'home' I still feel guilty because I can't be there to help my mother or my father, or my friends. I'm so outta the loop it ain't funny.

Hate your mother all you like - but I do not think you have grounds to start bitching to us. She gave birth to you for cryin out loud.

Maybe your mother needs to seek some professional help. Counselling - maybe she has a low self esteem. You do not know what is going on in her head chemically. But maybe you should start RESPECTING your mother instead of expecting us to hate her too.

Or maybe you ALL need to seek some counselling together - because there seems to be a great amount of disrespect in your family.

JMO

[rant]Ever since my parents got married 24 years ago my mom has been crying and complaining about all kinds of stuff. Most recently she's saying my dads always mad at her.

Here's why: Every time something good happens she says something and gets us all depressed, or complains about how much she hates here life, and quite frankly, nobody cares. Because it's all her little dream world.
Sure, I believe you when you say you've been stalked, and people have thrown firecrackers at you, but PLEASE, lady! Just SHUT UP and let us go on with our lives. She always complains, no matter what!
Right now she can get a free $300 from Rockwell, where she used to work, and ya know what she says? "Grabbayrereaw]:|!!" No matter what. My dad is naked and all wet cause he got out of the shower, he tells mom to go get some towels down in the car. 10 minutes later we find out she had been talked to the lady who lives downstairs. Dad was furious.]
That's part of mom's, "Mitch is always mad at me" list. Do you think he had a right to be angry? Everyone I know does. So we're all like, ""[/rant]

So, what do you think of my mom?


[span class="edited"][Edited by TheGoldenDojo 2004-07-10 17:25][/span]

lori's right.. just be glad you have a nuclear family and deal with the hand you were dealt. I'm sure if you sat down and chatted at her she'd try and make good.

Unless your Dad's legs are broken or he is incapacitated in some other way, shape or form, he can walk out to the car and get his own towels.

As for your Mom, she brought you into this world, and she can take you out of it whenever she feels like...

My opinion is that you are extremly disrespectful and you need both an attitude check and a reality check. There are people on this site who either have no parents or have lost parents. How do you think that reading your post saying your mother looks like the inside of a dumpster, when they would give anything to spend just a few minutes with the parent that they now longer have?

hmmm, am i right in thinking you dont actually want opinions but you do want people to agree with you? cause it sounds very much like your mind is made up about how things are.

Have you, oh, i dunno, tried talking with your Mum?


I find mine likes that sort of interaction, even if somewhere in there i throw in something along the lines of "oh, and why are you acting like such a baby about this?"
We have a good relationship, and i dont suggest you be this brash with your mother, but mothers are human too, and sometimes they need to be reminded that there is a world outside of what we are all living, and to get some perspective.

And i have a hunch that i would have stopped to talk to the neighbour too... she appeared to want to know what your mum had to say.

your dad should have had the forsight to get his own towels before he got wet.

Heck, you should have gone down to get the towels when you realised it was taking so long....

This is very odd.
I am puzzled about what you hope to get out of this. I can see by your writing style that you are still furious, but i cannot see why...

I hope you try the talking thing, it might mean a lot to her.








For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. - Terry Pratchett

Pfffft. Your dad has two arms and two legs, let him get his own darn towel. I get so tired of the whole "serve me woman" attitude of some men.

I don't know your mother. Maybe you have a point, maybe you don't, but until you sprout a uterus and give birth, you need to respect the fact that this woman gave birth to you and raised you. I don't care if she is completely whacko.....perhaps your childhood helped drive her there.

There are days when my kids are lucky to survive until their father gets home. Raising children is a tough job, with very little reward and a lot of heartache. You cannot begin to fathom what it is like to have to worry about your children from the time you wake up until the time they go to sleep, then you have nightmares about their safety when you FINALLY get to bed....at around 1:00 AM.

And let's face it, you are a male-type person, as is your father. Men have a tendency to look at anything a woman says in a "complaining" tone as a directive to FIX IT! No, wrong. We don't want you to fix it. We just want you to listen. Take two seconds out of your day and listen to us. Don't act like we are blaming you, or complaining just for something to do. Sometimes you are the only person we have to talk to. We just want someone to listen.

As for your mother talking to the neighbor.....maybe that neighbor has her tongue attached on both ends, and never shuts up. It is very hard to extricate oneself from a person who talks & talks & talks &....you get the idea When you live close to other people, you have to employ a certain diplomacy toward them, in order to have harmony. Besides, since you two OBVIOUSLY don't listen to your mom, maybe this woman is her only source of friendship.

You can either continue to see your mother as a "whiner" or you can try to see HER.

Everyone's mother gets on their nerves. It is a survival thing. It helps you to leave home. My mom can just exasperate me to no end. But you know what? She gave up a lot for my sister and me, and I am so sick of hearing my sister whine because my mom and dad won't let her have her kids back.

"Oh, really? Well if you weren't a junkie loser, and you hadn't married a drug-dealing, car-stealing, convicted felon, maybe I could sympathize with you, but until you grow up and realize that your kids are in the best possible place for them, don't ask me for any sympathy"

You are right about something Bryant... I am not his Momma.

I am a Momma though and I know how much it would hurt to know that my son or daughter could say such things about me. It would be devastating if I saw it or heard it.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws. That would include Dojo's Mom, Dad, Dojo himself, me and even you Bryant. If you want to stick up for your friend that is great. Why not be a friend and help your friend through this instead of making a joke out of what appears to be a awful situation Bryant.

Dojo, I don't know what your true story is, but this woman is your Mom. Good or bad, she is the only one you will ever have.

Maybe she does complain too much. Maybe some of what she complains about is justified though. Only you know the truth. Sometimes people get in such ruts with their lives that it is impossible to see through all the bad that is happening in their lives to see any good and the only way to cope with it is to continually be negative. It's a hard habit to break and it's an endless cycle. Keep that in mind Dojo. Maybe she can't find her way out of a rut. You may have to help her. You won't regret it if you do, I promise you that.

Joe is right, you have the right to hate your Mom and while it may feel good to you to convey those feelings to her and even say them here, ultimately the hate will only hurt one person, you.