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i have lost a lot of close friends to suicide, including my brother. i have come to the conclusion that people take a long time to rationalize taking their own lives. you not being there for the past month or six months would have very little impact on their decision.

it is easy to think our influence on other peoples lives is incredible. we can brighten someone's day, or share their joy. but how many of your friends have the ability to truely change your outlook on life? each person is their own center of their universe.

if someone is mentally unbalanced, or clinically depressed, a mere pep talk or a shoulder to cry on does very little good. realistically, their reason for killing themselves could be due to things they, and you, cannot control.

in my brother's case, his vision was failing to the point of blindness before his 21st birthday. he decided taking his own life was better then a future of darkness.

do not blame yourself for other people's actions. it is easy to say "what if" or "i could have". have solace in the knowledge that you were a true friend and that they could have called on you if they needed to.

My apologies for not responding to you all since my last post. I just wasnt ready to reply. Its hard to accept death (as it would be for anyone) and even harder to accept that someone would choose to end life.
Steve appears to have been involved in bad things and got caught so he was escaping I think. Hard to know since he isnt here to explain. The day before he did it the federal police siezed his computer and all things related.

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Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Lindy, I'm sorry to hear you lost 2 of your friends. I've also lost a few like that over the years like that and know how it feels. My condolences.
DFM

The Amazon Nut...

I'm also sorry Lindy I've had friends in the past that have done the same thing and although I went through feeling guilty and wishing I could've said something that may have made a difference I now feel quite differently about it. I now look upon suicide as a selfish act (unless the person is mentally ill of course, then it's tragic), one that leaves behind nothing but pain and suffering for their loved ones.
I see children, young mothers and everyone in between fighting for every precious day, with life threatening illnesses that would give anything to have the life that some of these people just throw away

I truly hope this hasn't offended anyone, it's not meant to. Maybe it's just the way I deal with it

I'm really sorry to hear that Lindy...one of my best friends attempted suicide earlier this year. I'm so utterly thankful that he didn't succeed, he ended up getting the psychiatric help that he so badly needed and is on the road to recovery. But I hadn't seen him for some months beforehand either, and I know that had he died I would also have blamed myself for not being there for him. But talking to him now, and seeing the state of mind he was in, I don't think my seeing him would have helped anyway.

It made me feel really horrible when I saw his scars, to think someone I love so much was hurting enough to do that to himself. It hurts me as well. So I can understand how you feel now, as well as others who have lost loved ones to suicide. I'm just very thankful that my friend has his second chance.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. - Oscar Wilde

So sorry Lindy. *sends hugs and chocolate to Oz*

We're here to talk when you need it.

Please don't feel guilty about the situation though, and don't live life thinking "If I had only..." One of my close friends tragically lost her father to an accident that can partially be considered her mothers fault. Part of her road to recovery from the accident is remembering that she's not to blame, and that everyone isn't mad at her for what happend.

Hope you cheer up, and sorry for the late reply. Parents...

<3FF

-Formerly known as the Ferretfish

Wow. Sorry I haven't responded earlier. But I'm really sorry you've lost two friends so close

My advice is you can't change what happened, so don't dwell on it. If you want to you can make it a reason to be more proactive with getting to know the friends who are still with you.

><>

Thank you all for responding to my thread, i really do appreciate the efforts you've made.
I've spoken to a few more people today who have helped me understand circumstances these two were under. Pretty gruesome really and quite mind numbing. Just when you think you know someone you find out they arent what they appeared.

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Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Just be glad you haven't gotten a frantic 911 call from someone in reference to that, and it being someone you know...

We dropped in at a friends house tonight that we hadnt seen in a while for a catch up. Did the usual ask about everyone we havent seen in a while. We werent expecting the news we got.
One friend drove to the middle of no where and hung himself. Another drowned herself in petrol and lit... by the time medical help got to her there was no hope.
It really makes me sad that people think there is no other way out of situations.

RIP Steve
RIP Helen

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Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Hope you don't mind a few lines from a guy you maybe don't even know is here.

In my freshman year of collage I lost 4 friends to suicide. One hanging, two gunshots, and one, perhaps the closest friend and a diabetic, shot-up 3 whole bottles of insulin. Her system couldn't take it and she took a long and terrible way out.

Blame is a natural part of the grieving proses. Eight years after the fact, I still have issues with blaming my-self for some of what happened. Just don't let it get you down.

I agree with some of the previous posters that you need to be there for others, but don't forget your-self. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. If asking for help isn't your thing, think of it as asking for "input". Tell your support group (mom, dad, brothers, sisters, who ever) "I need some input on how I should handle this situation". It may sound stupid, but it can work.

I know first hand all the blame, not only on me, but others, anger, sadness, confusion, and all the other emotions that don't have names that comes with this kind of thing. Just don't let it get the best of you. I hope you and all the other people affected by these acts know just how far you can bend with out breaking.
Good luck.

*agrees*

I've been there too, and to carry out a death in a manner like they did it does take alot of resolve, all you can do is be there for the living, and remember the ones you've lost.

*hugggs*

^_^
*Proud member of the Committee for Sig Line Restoration*

Lindy *hugs*

I agree with what everyone else has been saying, you don't need to feel guilty for not being able to ease your friends' pain. Your feelings are very common and normal, though, after losing friends to suicide. I think everyone that loses a loved one to it has those thoughts. My heart goes out to you and all of the others that are left behind.

Battling major depression, there have been times when I really didn't know if I could keep going, but I was fortunate enough to find help before I really hurt myself. Knowing what it feels like to be in so much pain that it seems to be the only option, it hurts me even more that there are so many people out there that don't find the help that they need before it's too late. A real tragedy, but one that you shouldn't hold yourself accountable for. You seem like a very caring, strong person and I'm sure they were both very grateful for the support you gave them.

&lt;-- agrees with tammy. don't beat yourself up over something you had so little control over. be there for the ones who still remember them instead

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"That's the trouble with political jokes in this country... they get elected!" -- Dave Lippman

Maybe, but probably not Lindy. Sounds like both of these people were determined. If those closest to them who saw them on a daily basis couldn't spark some ray of hope in them than probably noone could.

What you can do is offer those they left behind your support. Those are the people that are going to really be hurting now.

Don't beat yourself up over this kiddo.

Take care and give your hubby and baby a big hug....

Aw lindy

*hugs*


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Last edited by Babelfish at 22-Oct-2004 09:12

I feel guilty, which is silly i know. Maybe if i'd had a chance to catch up with these people more often it could of made a difference.

3 days ago I was thinking "I should call..."

Makes me feel icky inside thinking about it.

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Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Oh hun *huggs*



For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks. - Terry Pratchett